Page 5 - Boca ViewPointe - May '24

May 2024 Viewpointe, Page 5
Alone, But No Longer Lonely

By Robert W. Goldfarb not alone. Frequent calls and texts from children and I’m feeling an awareness stirring deep within me that
grandchildren warm me in their embrace. We meet at I’m becoming the friend I want alongside me as I walk
I knew I was alone when I stopped thinking of myself celebrations that made us a family. But, loneliness is these final miles.
as a “we,” “us” or “ours.” Instead, I had become an “I,” persistent and would love to be a tenant in my silent house.
a “me” or “mine,” words that have none of the warmth There was a question only I could answer. Did I have Bob’s articles have appeared in The New York Times,
of the few letters that announced I was part of a couple. within me the resources and will to live alone but not be The San Francisco Chronicle and in Next Avenue, the
“I” is the sharpest letter in the alphabet, sharp enough to lonely? Could I stop turning for companionship to friends publication of the Public Broadcasting Service. His
have etched the word “alone” on me. and to people I barely knew? I wasn’t sure I was strong book, “What’s Stopping Me From Getting Ahead?” was
I became an “I” when my wife died five years ago. For enough to endure a string of evenings eating alone. I enjoy published by McGraw Hill and is in five languages. 
the first time in my life I was alone. I had gone directly having dinner with friends, but, as time passed, I was
from my mother to war to Muriel. I had never lived in surprised to find myself thinking an evening alone might
silence; now I was drowning in it. If there was a difference have been simpler, more relaxing. I now spend much less Hot Topics
between being alone and being lonely, I didn’t see it. time wondering who I could call for dinner tomorrow.
To me Alone and Lonely were the couple who walked I was no stranger to solitude. Muriel and I had careers
that kept us apart during the workday. We both prized
into my bedroom and claimed Muriel’s side of the bed. I moments that gave us time to be quietly by ourselves. But Group Notice
had read enough about loneliness to know the despair it
carried would soon choke me. How was I going to defy its we touched each other before and after those moments.
pull and make the transition from being lonely to simply Could I embrace solitude without anticipating the thrill We are a women’s group who remember Reva
being alone? I didn’t know how, but knew I had to try. of Muriel’s smile as she strode through the doorway? Tucker. Hot Topics has resumed meetings every Friday
There were lessons I had to be taught more than I began asking myself a curious question: Am I the and are seeking new members. Please join us for lively
seventy years ago about living with my 18-year-old bride. friend I want alongside me as I travel alone through these discussions at 11:00am to 12:30pm at the Boca Pointe
I quickly learned the importance of putting down the toilet final miles? I might not yet be that friend, but there are Community Office. If you would like more information
seat. But those lessons were few and easily remembered. hints I’m getting closer. Rather than talking with others to or to sign up, please call 561-715-8298. 
Neither of us had lived in a college dormitory or shared an escape the silence, I’ve been sitting quietly alone, hoping
apartment with friends. We hadn’t set boundaries around to hear what the silence might tell me. What I’ve heard
what older couples insisted was “my space.” I could be has changed my understanding of being alone. Instead
forgetting, but it’s mostly laughter I remember as we of allowing being alone to confine me, I’ve discovered On behalf of The Club at Boca Pointe
bumped into each other in our 500-square-foot apartment. strengths within me that are beginning to set me free. we would like to remind our residents that
Learning how to live alone in a three-bedroom house as I’ve endured a loss that could have extinguished my will NO walking, running, bicycle riding or dog
a 94-year-old is proving much harder. to live. It came close, but there was a flame inside me walking is permitted on
When I first lost Muriel, I retreated to a dark place that refused to be dimmed. If I can rise unbroken from
within myself, convinced happiness was something I Muriel’s death, I can conquer loneliness. the golf course or golf
would never feel again. But, as the months and now I’ve also become quicker to act with little or no cart paths. For safety
years have passed, I’ve been warmed by flashes of planning. I say yes instead of no to opportunities to reasons, the paths are
what I remember happiness is. My family is growing; do things alone. I’ve begun exploring wilderness areas for golf carts only.
grandchildren are marrying and having babies. Now their along The Everglades and attending Zoom meetings led
voices bring tears of a different kind, tears of joy. by spiritual guides. I set aside hours to do nothing more
I just returned from San Francisco where our family than search for whatever is within me that is eager to risk Thank you
celebrated the birthday of my first great-grandchild. a new path. I’m opening doors I’d kept shut because, at for cooperating
Happiness is a one-year-old showering joy on four 94, I feared there wasn’t enough time to walk through with The Club's
generations. Most of my family live far from me, but them. If being alone has taught me anything, it’s knowing
the love that binds us leaps across the country. I left with crystalline clarity that if I don’t open the door and policy. 
the celebration realizing that while I lived alone, I was open it now, it will remain closed.

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