Page 12 - Boca Club News - July '21

Page 12, Boca Club News

From The Professionals’ Desks

Reality Check √ – Healthy Answers on Living & Loving

Life: “Feel Like a Victim? Try Setting Boundaries!”

By Dale Brown, B.S., M.A., C.E.C. because they have not learned to speak up to where they draw if the behavior continues. The intent is to change the other
Dale is a motivational speaker who the line. person’s actions. By taking responsibility for your life,
has spent many years as a Certified The purpose of setting personal boundaries is to protect you feel less like a victim and more in control of your
Life Coach and has written numerous and take care of oneself. When someone acts in a way that circumstances.
articles and e-books relating to self- is unacceptable to you, being able to state your thoughts out Of course, you always have the choice to remove yourself
improvement and ways to build a high- loud affirms you have a right to those feelings. If you don’t from a situation or relationship. You can leave a marriage,
performance team. Her education and stand up for yourself, how else will someone know when end a friendship or quit a job. It’s not Jane’s desire to lose
years of experience in physical fitness they are acting in a way that is not satisfactory to you? contact with her daughter or grandchildren. Rather, it’s to put
and training of elite athletes has Learning to set personal boundaries is vital to learning to limitations on what she is willing and able to do to help her
enabled her to sharpen her knowledge in many health-related love oneself. There are three goals to consider when setting daughter while maintaining a life of her own.
areas. The following is one in a series of columns devoted a boundary. In order for Jane to stop seeing herself as a victim, it’s
to many topics that deal with the mind/body connection and - The first describes the behavior that you find absolutely necessary for her to own her choices. Jane needs
the importance of living a healthy lifestyle. Dale, a Bocaire unacceptable in a very descriptive way. to take the “have to” out of her vocabulary and replace it
resident, can be reached at dalebrown@lovingmondays.com. - The second explains the action you will take to with the words “want to.” Jane isn’t obligated to do anything
Open and honest communication is difficult to master. protect and take care of yourself in the event the other she doesn’t want to do. Mimi is not using force to make her
It’s hard to come right out and tell someone what’s on your person violates the boundary. spend her time with the children, yet Jane feels she has to. By
mind. Sometimes it’s easier to say nothing than it is to speak - The third outlines the resulting consequences, and the same token, Mimi also has choices to make. As a single
up for what’s upsetting you. your actions if the behavior continues. parent, she now must choose where and with whom to leave
As an example, let me tell you about a friend of mine Applying this method of goal-setting to Jane’s situation, her children when the need arises.
named Jane. For as long as I’ve known her, Jane finds herself the dialogue might go something like this: Setting boundaries is sometimes scary because you fear
in predicaments that cause her to feel angry, weak or helpless. 1) “Mimi, If you expect me to care for the kids every hurting other people, or making them angry with you. It might
She describes herself as a victim of circumstance, dealing day, take them to school, make them dinner, and get them seem risky at times for you to draw a line in the sand and say
with the same situations over and over. into bed, then… this is how I feel and this is what I am willing to accept. At
Jane’s latest issue involves her oldest daughter, Mimi, a 2) …I will have to make you understand that my time some point you have to be ready to take the risk in order to
recent divorcee with two young children. According to Jane, is important, too. There are things I want to do for myself protect your space and defend yourself. The more you value
Mimi takes advantage of her by assuming she will always do as much as I want to be there for you… yourself the more likely it is that in turn other people will
whatever it takes at the drop of a hat. Jane feels powerless 3) …If you continue, I’ll have to put some limitations show you respect.
to tell her daughter the way she really feels, and sees herself on when and where I can give you a helping hand.” Any relationship worth having in your life should be
as the only person her daughter can lean on. I recall Jane’s The third part of this formula is more for you than one in which you are comfortable when communicating
comment: the other person. It helps you to mentally prepare for the and negotiating. Jane is striving for a healthy interdependent
“She must think I have nothing better to do than babysit outcome if the boundary is breached. The first two steps relationship with her daughter. She is really saying, “Here is
for her while she gets back into the dating game. I love my actually lay down the boundary so that the other person what I am willing to do, and here is what I need from you.”
grandchildren, but there is a limit to how much time I have knows how you feel and what they have to do to abide by Healthy, open relationships are what we all strive to have
to give. How can I tell my own daughter that I want some your wishes. in our lives. Don’t feel like a victim; learn to set flexible
time to myself without seeming selfish?” Setting a boundary is not making a threat. It’s boundaries to improve honest communication with others,
Many people, including Jane, find it impossible to set communicating clearly how you feel, and what will happen while honoring yourself at the same time.
personal boundaries that show respect for themselves. They
find it hard to openly communicate what is and isn’t tolerable Medical Matters: Vertigo
to them. Those who view themselves as victims often do so

The specific cause of positional vertigo is unknown, but
Advertise in By Richard Nagler, M.D., a member it can be precipitated by turning the head from side to side,
of Broken Sound Club and retired
This Newspaper! physician. After graduating from tilting the head backwards as in the shower or a dentist’s
the University of Pennsylvania
chair, sitting up or rolling over in bed, and engaging in
Call 746-3244 and New York University’s School high-intensity aerobics. It usually occurs suddenly and can
of Medicine, Dr. Nagler served
be very frightening. It can be associated with an inner ear
his internship and residency at infection, ear damage from surgery, migraine headaches or
Baltimore City Hospital and Johns a severe blow to the head.
Hopkins. He followed that with a Deep within the vestibular system of the inner ear, there
Fellowship in Gastroenterology at Yale University School are otalic organs, which contain tiny calcium carbonate
of Medicine, and was then Chief of Gastroenterology at crystals that are involved in sensing movement. A jelly-like
Fitzimmons General Army Hospital in Denver. He returned membrane keeps them in place. What happens in vertigo is
to the Yale Medical School for one year as an Assistant that these crystals are detached and enter the semi-circular
Professor of Medicine before opening his own successful canals where they become stuck, disrupt the flow of fluid,
private practice in Internal Medicine and Gastroenterology. and become sensitive to movement and changes in position
During that time, he also served for ten years as Chief of that would normally not occur, creating a false sense of
Medicine at Huntington Hospital in Huntington, N.Y. motion.
There are two forms of vertigo. Central vertigo involves The diagnosis is made by first having an ENT
the brain, such as a stroke or a brain tumor. The most examination, which is best performed when the patient
common form is benign positional vertigo, which is the is having vertigo. Observing nystagmus, which is a rapid
topic for this month’s column. rhythmic to and fro movement of the eyes toward the
Southern Exposure Technologies This form of vertigo, which is more common in women affected ear, is a typical finding. If the patient is not having
Computer Install/Setup/Repair after age 50, is defined as a sense of rotation, rocking or vertigo at the time of the ENT examination, it can be
spinning, even when remaining still. It is rarely serious, but
precipitated with the Hall-Pike test by abruptly repositioning
(561) 315-0144 may be associated with light-headedness, nausea and a loss the head. A thorough neurological physical examination
getsetgo.annie@gmail.com of balance, which can lead to falls that can be dangerous. It and a CT scan or MRI should be done to distinguish benign
* DSL, Broadband,Wireless Install occurs spontaneously and can last anywhere from minutes to positional vertigo from a stroke or brain tumor. Also to be
* Networking, Troubleshooting hours, or even days, and can come and go before resolving. considered is Meniere’s disease, which is distinguished by
* Instruction If vertigo is associated with weakness, a severe headache, vertigo associated with ringing in the ears (tinnitus) and
* Hardware/Software Installation double vision, trouble speaking, leg or arm weakness, hearing loss.
* Virus/Spyware/Adware Fix difficulty walking, numbness or tingling, imbalance lasting The treatment of vertigo is best done by employing the
* Cleanup/Maintenance/Backup
* Business Consult/Startup/Move for several days—or lack of coordination on one side of the Epley maneuver. The patient lies flat on the back, and the
* Website Design/Maintenance body, then a stroke—a structural brain anomaly or a tumor head is turned 45 degrees toward the affected ear and slanted
Call S.E.T. to install your “new computer, printer should be suspected. slightly backwards. The head is then turned 90 degrees
and wireless network”! We know that sound waves travel through the outer ear and the patient rolled to lie on the same side with the head
GET S.E.T. GO! canal and reach the ear drum, where the sound is turned down. Finally, the patient quickly sits upright. What this
REASONABLE HOURLY, WEEKLY, MONTHLY RATES into vibrations. These are then transmitted to the inner ear, does is return the crystals in the semi-circular canals back
FOR SMALL BUSINESSES FOR AS LOW AS $50.00 AN HOUR, and from there to the cochlea—and finally to the vestibular to where they came from. This maneuver is effective 90 %
WITH A MINIMUM OF 6 HOURS A MONTH, nerve that carries the signal to the brain. Another and most of the time. Fifteen percent will have another episode within
OR 2 HOURS A WEEK, OR ON AN AS-NEEDED
BASIS RATE OF $75.00 P/HOUR. important part of the inner ear is the semi-circular canals, a year, but the Epley maneuver can be repeated as often as
START YOUR NEW YEAR WITH SECURE BACKUPS, which are positioned at right angles to one another and are necessary. For one to two days, the patient should wear a
QUALITY MAINTENANCE, ATTENTION TO DETAIL AND lined with sensitive cells that act like a gyroscope. This soft cervical collar to prevent looking down. Medications
PERSONABLE ON-SITE SUPPORT! distinctive arrangement, in combination with the sensitivity such as meclizine (antivert), and especially valium, are
(561) 315-0144
CALL S.E.T. TODAY FOR YOUR COMPUTER NEEDS! of the tiny hair cells in the canals, provides instantaneous effective, and phenergan is useful for nausea.
feedback regarding our position in space.