Page 20 - Southern Exposure - September '24

Page 20, Southern Exposure 2 SPACES

book revieW

The Official Dictionary Of Sarcasm: A Lexicon For Those Of Us

Who Are Better And Smarter Than The Rest Of You And

The Ultimate Book Of Useless Information: A Few Thousand

More Things You Might Need To Know (But Probably Don’t)

By Nils A. Shapiro

You have two books Hard Working: Conscientious behavior of the kind Here is a small sampling:
for the price of one in this usually exhibited by a sap who doesn’t understand that no • Peanuts are one of the
month’s column. And since one is going to thank him for it. ingredients in dynamite.
you receive this newspaper Kosher: 1. Food that conforms to Jewish nutritional • The average person
for free the following review laws, which were handed down by God in order that the spends two weeks of their
is certainly worth the price. Chosen People would never experience flavor. 2. Also used life kissing.
(My feeble attempt at as a generic term to imply legitimacy. “I know most people • Giraffes have no vocal
sarcasm.) don’t sell stereo equipment out of the back of a panel van, cords.
These books are perfect but don’t worry, it’s strictly kosher.” • 83 percent of people hit
examples of my lifetime Waistline: The part of the human body that we get by lightning are men.
obsession as a bibliophile. the most obsessive about keeping trim, if only to remain • When female elephants
Books have always been my desirable enough so activity occurring below it will still be have been pregnant for
favorite source of information, knowledge and information. a viable option. more than 20 months and
Even today I seek out titles of interest wherever I shop, from Contractor: A person who has the ability to make are still not in labor they
big box supermarkets that stack books on tables to furniture February turn into May, May into August, August into will travel a hundred miles
stores that don’t sell books at all. November, and so on. searching for the leaves
Readers of this column may remember my review of ***** of the Boraginacae tree –
Wise Trees, a lavish, oversized photo-filled “coffee-table” If spreading your newfound sarcastic wit at parties and which can also induce birth
volume that was on display in a furniture store – not for other occasions hasn’t yet made you the most popular person in humans.
sale but to draw attention to a high-quality sofa grouping. in your group, it turns out that there is another strange • Sylvester Stallone used to sweep the lion cages in New
I convinced the owner to sell the book to me and it is now organization that might help do the trick. In 1995 a group York City’s Central Park Zoo to pay his way while trying to
a prized possession. of “thinkers, writers and artists” in Britain got together to break into acting.
This month’s two books are recent additions I couldn’t form The Useless Information Society. Today they have • Although Ohio is listed as the 17th state in the United States,
resist because their subject matter is just so much fun! And 30 members – their names are listed in a front page of this it is technically number 47. Until Aug. 7, 1953, Congress forgot
since I base my selection of books to review here largely on book – and the Chairman, Noel Botham, is listed as the to vote on a resolution to admit Ohio to the Union.
what I feel you would enjoy – and would want to share with author of this book. • Horses race clockwise in England and counterclockwise
friends and family – I am bringing both to your attention here. The inclusion of the word “Ultimate” in the title of The in the United States.
The Official Ultimate Book of Useless Information refers to the fact that • For religious reasons Franklin Pierce was the only
Dictionary of Sarcasm there was an earlier version, which made it to The New president to say, “I promise” instead of “I swear” at his
is the work of James York Times bestseller list. That’s easy to understand when inauguration.
Napoli, executive vice you start laughing through the 215 pages that are arranged • Seventy percent of Swedish women claim to have
president of the National in 15 chapters with such headings as: There’s No Business participated in a threesome.
Sarcasm Society. (Yes, Like; Words of Wisdom; Food Fight; I Wanna Sex You Up; • “Well, I’ve played everything but a harp.” – Actor John
there really is such a Seeing the World; Creativity Corner … and so on – offering Barrymore’s last words, on his deathbed.
group!) Compact in size more than 1,500 true facts which, as the author states, prove Come on, lighten up. Get both of these books and share
(6” x 7”), this 370-page once again that “knowledge doesn’t have to be useful to be them with others. You are going to need them to make it
well-crafted hardcover entertaining.” through the rest of this election year.
Ballet Palm Beach - Seabreeze ad 082124.pdf 1 8/21/24 1:51 PM
book is surprisingly
heavy – in weight, not
in tone. The author’s
sarcastic humor begins
on the front cover with Leap
the notation: “Not Take the
Approved for Use by Stupid People” … and on the back
cover makes his point: “You have been waiting patiently for
a dictionary like this to come along. And now it is here …
Not that you give a crap.” 2024/2025
Of course, the heart of the book is in the more than 350
pages of definitions, almost every one illustrated and printed Photo credit: ©Steven Caras. All rights reserved.
in two colors. Here are just a few examples:
Power Lunch: A strategic session of manipulation and
preparation for eventual backstabbing arranged around a Joy, Magic, Passion, Sorrow, Triumph, it's all here at the Ballet!
pleasant noontime meal.
The
Carmen Sleeping Beauty
December 6-8, 2024
November 1-3, 2024 April 17-19, 2025
February 28-March 2, 2025

Photo credit: ©Janine Harris. All rights reserved. Photo credit: ©Janine Harris. All rights reserved. Photo credit: ©Janine Harris. All rights reserved. Photo credit: ©Janine Harris. All rights reserved.

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