Page 10 - Jupiter Spotlight - September '24

Page 10, Jupiter Spotlight
Book Review

The Official Dictionary Of If spreading your Here is a small sampling:

Sarcasm: A Lexicon For newfound sarcastic • Peanuts are one of the ingredients in dynamite.
• The average person spends two weeks of their life
wit at parties and other
Those Of Us Who Are Better occasions hasn’t yet kissing.
• Giraffes have no vocal cords.
made you the most
And Smarter Than The Rest popular person in your • 83 percent of people hit by lightning are men.
• When female elephants have been pregnant for more
group, it turns out that
Of You And The Ultimate there is another strange than 20 months and are still not in labor they will travel a
Book Of Useless Information: organization that might hundred miles searching for the leaves of the Boraginacae
help do the trick. In 1995 a
tree – which can also induce birth in humans.
A Few Thousand More Things group of “thinkers, writers • Sylvester Stallone used to sweep the lion cages in
New York City’s Central Park Zoo to pay his way while
and artists” in Britain
You Might Need To Know got together to form The trying to break into acting.
Useless Information
• Although Ohio is listed as the 17th state in the United
(But Probably Don’t) Society. Today they have States, it is technically number 47. Until Aug. 7, 1953,
30 members – their names Congress forgot to vote on a resolution to admit Ohio to
By Nils A. Shapiro are listed in a front page the Union.
You have two books of this book – and the • Horses race clockwise in England and counterclockwise
for the price of one in this Chairman, Noel Botham, is listed as the author of this book. in the United States.
month’s column. And since The inclusion of the word “Ultimate” in the title of The • For religious reasons Franklin Pierce was the only
you receive this newspaper Ultimate Book of Useless Information refers to the fact president to say, “I promise” instead of “I swear” at his
for free the following that there was an earlier version, which made it to The inauguration.
review is certainly worth New York Times bestseller list. That’s easy to understand • Seventy percent of Swedish women claim to have
the price. (My feeble when you start laughing through the 215 pages that are participated in a threesome.
attempt at sarcasm.) arranged in 15 chapters with such headings as: There’s No • “Well, I’ve played everything but a harp.” – Actor
These books are perfect Business Like; Words of Wisdom; Food Fight; I Wanna John Barrymore’s last words, on his deathbed.
examples of my lifetime Sex You Up; Seeing the World; Creativity Corner … and Come on, lighten up. Get both of these books and share
obsession as a bibliophile. so on – offering more than 1,500 true facts which, as the them with others. You are going to need them to make it
Books have always been my favorite source of author states, prove once again that “knowledge doesn’t through the rest of this election year.
information, knowledge and information. Even today I have to be useful to be entertaining.”
seek out titles of interest wherever I shop, from big box
supermarkets that stack books on tables to furniture stores
Readers of this column may remember my review of Tip From Palm Beach County Clerk
that don’t sell books at all.

Wise Trees, a lavish, oversized photo-filled “coffee-table”
sale but to draw attention to a high-quality sofa grouping. Joseph Abruzzo
volume that was on display in a furniture store – not for
I convinced the owner to sell the book to me and it is now
a prized possession. Don’t Wait in Line, Get Traffic tickets, also known as citations, are
This month’s two books are recent additions I couldn’t due within 30 days. Paying online at https://www.
resist because their subject matter is just so much fun! What You Need Online mypalmbeachclerk.com/ticket allows you to pay by
And since I base my selection of books to review here credit card, Google Pay or Apple Pay, and has the
largely on what I feel you would enjoy – and would want By Joseph Abruzzo, added benefit of being available 24/7.
to share with friends and family – I am bringing both to Clerk of the Circuit Court documents are searchable at https://www.
your attention here. Court & Comptroller, mypalmbeachclerk.com/courtrecords and provide easy
The Official Palm Beach County access to court dates, charges, sentences, complaints
Dictionary of Sarcasm Your time is important and parties. You can order certified copies of these
is the work of James to you and saving you documents at https://www.mypalmbeachclerk.com/
Napoli, executive time is important to us. ecertify.
vice president of the This is why many of our Official records are searchable at https://www.
National Sarcasm traditionally in-person mypalmbeachclerk.com/officialrecords and contain
Society. (Yes, there services are available court judgments, deeds, liens, mortgages and more.
really is such a group!) online, accessible 24 You may also need certified copies of documents for
Compact in size (6” hours a day, seven days a certain real estate transactions. We have options for
x 7”), this 370-page week. There is no need to sit in traffic, schedule a ride you at https://www.mypalmbeachclerk.com/orcertify.
well-crafted hardcover to the courthouse or waste time finding parking in a Some of these resources may seem overwhelming
book is surprisingly busy downtown. Simply put, enjoy immediate access at first, but do not worry. We provide step-by-step
heavy – in weight, not to what you need when you need it. guidance on each web page to help you fill out
in tone. The author’s Our most popular online services include paying documents and gather resources.
sarcastic humor begins traffic citations, searching records and requesting Additionally, there are frequently asked questions to
on the front cover with the notation: “Not Approved for certified copies of documents. All of these and more navigate you through some of the more complex topics,
Use by Stupid People” … and on the back cover makes his can be done from the comfort of your home, office or and each page of our website has access to a chat bot.
point: “You have been waiting patiently for a dictionary on the road through your mobile phone at https://www. Ask it any question you have about the Clerk’s office,
like this to come along. And now it is here … Not that mypalmbeachclerk.com/services. and it will act as a helpful guide.
you give a crap.”
Of course, the heart of the book is in the more than
350 pages of definitions, almost every one illustrated and
printed in two colors. Here are just a few examples:
Power Lunch: A strategic session of manipulation and “Service is our number one priority”
preparation for eventual backstabbing arranged around a
pleasant noontime meal. 561-743-0070
Hard Working: Conscientious behavior of the kind
usually exhibited by a sap who doesn’t understand that www.palmspoolservices.com
no one is going to thank him for it.
Kosher: 1. Food that conforms to Jewish nutritional
laws, which were handed down by God in order that the
Chosen People would never experience flavor. 2. Also
used as a generic term to imply legitimacy. “I know most
people don’t sell stereo equipment out of the back of a
panel van, but don’t worry, it’s strictly kosher.”
Waistline: The part of the human body that we get
the most obsessive about keeping trim, if only to remain
desirable enough so activity occurring below it will still
be a viable option.
Contractor: A person who has the ability to make
February turn into May, May into August, August into
November, and so on.
***** Expires 10/15/24.

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