Page 6 - Boca ViewPointe - April '24

Page 6, Viewpointe April 2024
A Man Who Finds It Easier To Talk With Women

By Robert W. Goldfarb book, virtually all were women. Men we knew who survived began looking for reasons it was easier for me to express
their wives either moved closer to their children or quickly feelings to women than to men. As a boy, I didn’t have to be
I learned grieving was the most intimate of acts when my found another woman. I was nearing my ninetieth birthday told there were unspoken rules males followed. Girls talked;
wife died. There is no guide telling us how to mend a wounded when I lost Muriel and women carrying casseroles called on boys acted. The last thing you wanted was other boys calling
soul. All you can hope is that those who love you know that younger men. But I was hungry to have dinner with someone you “sissy” and something worse when you were older. As
silence and an embrace comfort when words do not. with whom I could talk. men entered their working years, it struck me they lived their
My children and grandchildren surrounded me with love I began calling widows we knew and quickly found that lives in more tightly structured stages than women did. A
they knew I needed to feel, not hear. Friends understood there most had formed deep friendships with other women but man’s career shaped who he was. Ask a man who he is and
were no words and just held me. When given advice, it almost were happy to meet with a man as a friend, not as a romantic he’ll tell you what he does for a living.
always came from men. They wanted to help, but when I partner. The simple act of going to a restaurant with someone Of course, women also followed stages that took them
think of advice, it’s the “ice” in the word that remains and quickened the step of hours that had refused to move. As our from childhood to student to wife, to mother and into and
it chills rather than warms me. Women I speak with stayed friendships grew we began meeting at our homes, sometimes through their careers. But while a man is defined by his
silent, waiting to hear what I needed. cooking, more often having dinner delivered so we could career, women seem to have within a depth of feeling that
I’ve been alone for five years and have some sense of what spend our time just talking. It was not unusual to pass three transcends any stage they are in. I saw that transcendence
heals those nearly strangled by loss. Friends who experienced or more hours reminiscing about the lives we once led and in my wife and now in my three daughters and my women
their own loss told me that while I would be certain they the lives we were leading now. friends. Just as they were the ones who heard the baby cry at
were wrong, they wanted me to know the passage of time I had grown up in the world of boys and men, at first midnight, they are the first to hear the muted plea of someone
would soften my anguish. It has, and I no longer gasp when on Bronx streets, then in schoolyards, in Army barracks, in who needs their tenderness.
I breathe. There was something else I learned that proved an all-male college and in workplaces structured to please Certainly the men I remain closest to have touched me
true. An act of kindness is someone sitting quietly and just men. I began calling the few single men I knew who were with kindness, heard my pain and helped me heal. But, for
listening, and acts of kindness heal. about my age, hoping to recapture the tight bond of male reasons I’m trying to understand, most of the men I meet
I was part of a couple for nearly seventy years. In the friendship. But conversations that came alive when women seem to see this stage–the final one–as one more time for
first months, our friends invited me to dinner, making certain spoke or listened never left the ground. women to deal with feelings while they do what men do,
I wasn’t sitting at an empty table. As time passed though, When I asked men their feelings about loss, living alone solve problems. I miss the friendship of men, but for now
they returned to their own lives as Muriel and I would have or just growing older, most shrugged and said as though the at least I find talking with women an act of kindness that
returned to ours. The dinner invitations stopped coming. conversation was over, “It is what it is.” Their discomfort reassures me I can be happy again.
I realized I would have to find friends who were also made me feel I was prying. Women seemed to understand
alone. If there were unmarried friends in our old address grief would explode if it didn’t find pour out in words. The Bob’s articles have appeared in The New York Times,
men I talked with made me feel such words were better left The San Francisco Chronicle and in Next Avenue, the
publication of the Public Broadcasting Service. His book,
unspoken. Why talk about something that had happened and
Pedestrian Safety couldn’t be fixed? “What’s Stopping Me From Getting Ahead?” was published
Without a moment’s research or shred of evidence, I

by McGraw Hill and is in five languages. 
Your safety is very important to us! Please take a
moment to read the guidelines below. Community Association Meetings Monthly Schedule
For pedestrians/joggers- #1 rule is to walk/jog on
the sidewalk, not in the streets. Boca Pointe Drive and (All meetings held via Zoom and in person.)
Via De Sonrisa Del Norte have sidewalks all along the
road, there is no area without sidewalk coverage. Social
distancing can be achieved on the sidewalks by giving
wide berths to others by utilizing the full width of the All meetings will be held electronically via Zoom and in person. The following is our regular schedule of
pavement as well as any grass areas when passing each monthly meetings, however, sometimes meetings are cancelled or schedules are revised due to holidays, etc. If
other. Move into single file when being overtaken or you would like to attend, please call the BPCA office, (561) 395-7551, the day before the meeting to request the
passing another resident. Walking or running in the Zoom link be emailed to you.
street adds more potential for disaster than is necessary.
Walk or jog defensively, pause or stop at intersections Access Control & Safety Committee TBD
on the main roads and do not assume cars and bicycles
see you even if you make eye contact. When walking Architectural Control Site Committee TBD
at night wear light colored clothing, reflectors and pay
attention/be alert. Board of Directors 3rd Tuesday of each month at 9:30 a.m.
Thank you in advance for your cooperation! 
Budget & Finance Committee TBD

Attention Landscape Committee TBD

Boca Pointe

Norbert Graber, R. Ph.
Residents! and Lynn Graber, R. Ph.

Flatten All Your Boxes!

Our recycling trucks do not pick up your
cardboard boxes if they are not flattened.
Instead, they go to trash and are burned with
regular refuse....lost revenue for residents of
Boca Pointe. 

Attention

Dog Owners

FREE
Family Owned & Operated LOCAL DELIVERY
It is your responsibility SERVING BOCA POINTE AND OUR COMMUNITY SINCE 2001 Free for prescription
to pick up after your drugs only
dog. It’s the law. Some • Easy Prescription Transfer • Prescriptions Filled Fast
• All Medicare Part D Plans Accepted • Professional Compounding
of you have been • Most Private Insurance Plans For • Orthopedic & Surgical FAST, FRIENDLY SERVICE
negligent in doing so. Prescription Drugs Accepted Supplies SPECIAL ORDERS WELCOME
Including United Healthcare • Nebulizers & Supplies HIGHEST-QUALITY MEDICINES
and Tricare • Compression Stockings & HEALTH PRODUCTS
Please keep our 561-391-6336
Boca Pointe community 22191 Powerline Road • Boca Raton
beautiful! SW Corner of Palmetto & Powerline • Mon-Fri 9am to 6pm • Sat 9am to 3pm • Closed Sun
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