Page 12 - Martin Down Bulletin - September '24

Page 12, Martin Downs

booK review

The Official Dictionary Of People” … and on the back cover makes his point: “You Like; Words of Wisdom;
Sarcasm: A Lexicon For Those have been waiting patiently for a dictionary like this to Food Fight; I Wanna Sex
You Up; Seeing the World;
come along. And now it is here … Not that you give a
Of Us Who Are Better And crap.” Creativity Corner … and
Of course, the heart of the book is in the more than 350
so on – offering more than
Smarter Than The Rest Of You pages of definitions, almost every one illustrated and printed 1,500 true facts which, as
the author states, prove
in two colors. Here are just a few examples:
And The Ultimate Book Of Power Lunch: A strategic session of manipulation and once again that “knowledge
Useless Information: A Few preparation for eventual backstabbing arranged around a doesn’t have to be useful to
be entertaining.”
pleasant noontime meal.
Thousand More Things You Hard Working: Conscientious behavior of the kind Here is a small sampling:
• Peanuts are one of the
usually exhibited by a sap who doesn’t understand that
Might Need To Know no one is going to thank him for it. ingredients in dynamite.
Kosher: 1. Food that conforms to Jewish nutritional
• The average person
(But Probably Don’t) laws, which were handed down by God in order that the spends two weeks of their
Chosen People would never experience flavor. 2. Also life kissing.
By Nils A. Shapiro used as a generic term to imply legitimacy. “I know most • Giraffes have no vocal
You have two books people don’t sell stereo equipment out of the back of a cords.
for the price of one in this panel van, but don’t worry, it’s strictly kosher.” • 83 percent of people hit by lightning are men.
month’s column. And since Waistline: The part of the human body that we get • When female elephants have been pregnant for more
you receive this newspaper the most obsessive about keeping trim, if only to remain than 20 months and are still not in labor they will travel a
for free the following desirable enough so activity occurring below it will still hundred miles searching for the leaves of the Boraginacae
review is certainly worth the be a viable option. tree – which can also induce birth in humans.
price. (My feeble attempt at Contractor: A person who has the ability to make • Sylvester Stallone used to sweep the lion cages in
sarcasm.) February turn into May, May into August, August into New York City’s Central Park Zoo to pay his way while
These books are perfect November, and so on. trying to break into acting.
examples of my lifetime ***** • Although Ohio is listed as the 17th state in the United
obsession as a bibliophile. If spreading your newfound sarcastic wit at parties and States, it is technically number 47. Until Aug. 7, 1953,
Books have always been my favorite source of information, other occasions hasn’t yet made you the most popular Congress forgot to vote on a resolution to admit Ohio to
knowledge and information. Even today I seek out titles person in your group, it turns out that there is another the Union.
of interest wherever I shop, from big box supermarkets strange organization that might help do the trick. In 1995 • Horses race clockwise in England and counterclockwise
that stack books on tables to furniture stores that don’t sell a group of “thinkers, writers and artists” in Britain got in the United States.
books at all. together to form The Useless Information Society. Today • For religious reasons Franklin Pierce was the only
Readers of this column may remember my review they have 30 members – their names are listed in a front president to say, “I promise” instead of “I swear” at his
of Wise Trees, a lavish, oversized photo-filled “coffee- page of this book – and the Chairman, Noel Botham, is inauguration.
table” volume that was on display in a furniture store listed as the author of this book. • Seventy percent of Swedish women claim to have
– not for sale but to draw The inclusion of the word “Ultimate” in the title of The participated in a threesome.
attention to a high-quality Ultimate Book of Useless Information refers to the fact • “Well, I’ve played everything but a harp.” – Actor
sofa grouping. I convinced that there was an earlier version, which made it to The New John Barrymore’s last words, on his deathbed.
the owner to sell the book York Times bestseller list. That’s easy to understand when Come on, lighten up. Get both of these books and share
to me and it is now a prized you start laughing through the 215 pages that are arranged them with others. You are going to need them to make it
possession. in 15 chapters with such headings as: There’s No Business through the rest of this election year.
This month’s two books
are recent additions I
couldn’t resist because
their subject matter is just
so much fun! And since I
base my selection of books
to review here largely on
what I feel you would enjoy – and would want to share
with friends and family – I am bringing both to your
attention here.
The Official Dictionary of Sarcasm is the work of
James Napoli, executive vice president of the National
Sarcasm Society. (Yes, there really is such a group!)
Compact in size (6” x 7”), this 370-page well-crafted
hardcover book is surprisingly heavy – in weight, not in
tone. The author’s sarcastic humor begins on the front
cover with the notation: “Not Approved for Use by Stupid

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