Page 5 - Boca ViewPointe - September '23

September 2023 Viewpointe, Page 5
America Gonif

By William A. Gralnick like it to be doing them. The other side lets you change radio My last gloat is for highway driving. I do not have,
stations, raise and lower the volume, press a button, and call nor would I want hands-free driving. Aside from the fact
“America gonif!” So someone or answer a call if you so choose. If the driver looks that I don’t trust it, I think “hands-free” and “driving” are
would exclaim my paternal straight out the front window, directly over the steering wheel, contradictory terms. However, especially as I’ve aged,
grandfather when he saw there’s a magic display. It shows your speed and the speed I find my car tends to drift left from the center of the
yet another startling object limit. There’s a little car image that changes color as you highway lanes. Notice I blame that on the car, not me…
or invention not imaginable approach the rear of the car in front—white (no car), green My vehicle has not one but two ways to alert me. One is if I
to him in “the old country.” “Gonif” is the Yiddish word for (three lengths) orange (two lengths). When you’re tailgating get too close to the white line, I get that tickle. If, however,
thief. What he meant was that America had what a successful it turns red, begins to flash, and if you are determined not to my pants are too thick, or I otherwise am not “feeling it”
thief had—smarts, intelligence, moxie (think the cat burglar heed the warning and slow down, it will stop the car suddenly and begin to cross that line the car becomes the driver in
in the Pink Panther or the jewelry heist in the Crown Affair). enough so your dentures will shift places. The salesman said, that the wheel gently but firmly turns us back towards the
The country used these talents to create marvelous, to him, “mostly people only challenge the car once.” The stop is so center. If you resist, the car gently becomes the minder
mind-bending instruments for life. noisy and sudden that it will never be forgotten. of safety. It reminds you more firmly. If you insist, you
I’ve fallen in love. Follow me on this. This time it is Then there’s the infotainment center. It’s the first I’ve ever will eventually override the warning and move across the
with a car (the publishers won’t let me tell you the make), been able to master. Two cars ago when I asked the salesman line; the car never becomes the driver. Ultimately if you
a car that made me exclaim “America gonif!” The average how to use the navigation he said, “Don’t tell anyone I told hit the guy in the next lane, it’s your fault, not the car’s.
American keeps a car for seven years. Not me. Four is the you this—just use Siri on your phone. It’s a lot easier.” One All of this becomes resolved quite easily. Put on your turn
most; two and a half is the least. I’ve had a lot of cars. of the best things about this one is its placement. It is just signal. It tells the car, “Hey! Everything’s OK. I do want
Some I’ve liked; some not. Many decades ago, I bought the below eye level and tilted towards the driver so shifting the to change lanes” Peace again reigns.
first car made with a digital speedometer. I loved that car. body position to see it is unnecessary. And after a bit, muscle America gonif!
The brand new car I had that locked up in first gear leaving memory lets one change the apps without turning one’s head
a “Fins” game in Miami causing me to drive 60 miles at from the road. And what wonders does it bring? First, via Columnist and author Bill Gralnick was born and
20 miles an hour I hated. For this purchase, likely my last Bluetooth and AppleCarPlay, you put in the destination (best raised in Brooklyn, NY. He is writing a three-part
car due to the aging process, I wanted an American car done before you begin driving), and then two miles before humorous memoir. The first is “The War of the Itchy
with the patented soft, sitting-in-your-favorite chair ride, a every change in directions a sweet voice tells you what you Balls and Other Tales from Brooklyn.” Just published
quiet car that deadened the road noise and allowed one to are going to do and at 10 yards, tells you it is time to do it but is the sequel, “George Washington Didn’t Sleep Here.”
listen to the radio without having to turn it up ‘til blowing does so without any urgency. My last car would sound very Both are available on Amazon. You can find his writing
the glass out of the doors seemed possible. I wanted a car anxious, “Do this now or else!” was the tone. at https://www.williamgralnickauthor.com. 
that Consumer Reports wouldn’t say, “Dope! You bought The biggest difference between this car and others is
THAT car?” I’m very high on Consumer Reports. They’ve the “tushy tickle.” The car has a 360-degree camera so it is
never led me astray—when I’ve taken their advice. This constantly warning me about things I can’t see, including Hot Topics
time I did. I found it. I bought it. I, and CR, got it right. pedestrians and those annoying parking lot cement stop
This car blows my mind. Let me count the ways. Pretty blocks. Each time I need to be made aware of something, the
much all you need is a telephone and the steering wheel. The seat vibrates. It takes some getting used to but after a while, Group Notice
telephone links to Bluetooth providing an amazing number of I realized if every time the car wanted to communicate with
options. Of course, you need the steering wheel for driving, me it beeped or chirped, I’d have the sensory perception of
but the driver can do myriad things on the steering wheel driving a coo-coo clock. The camera is an invaluable parking We are a women’s group who remember Reva
without ever having to move the eyes from looking straight tool. Ever been jealous of people who can park by backing Tucker. Hot Topics has resumed meetings every Friday
forward. For instance, on one side of the steering column into a space? No more. The camera shows the lines in the and are seeking new members. Please join us for lively
one can warm the seat or warm the steering wheel. Silly in space and the parking block. ‘Make you crazy when you get discussions at 11:00am to 12:30pm at the Boca Pointe
Florida? Not if you have a bad back or digital arthritis, which out of your car and realize you’ve parked on an angle? Cross Community Office. If you would like more information
I do. There is a thumb wheel that allows the driver to find out that one off, too. And of course, there’s also parallel parking or to sign up, please call 561-715-8298. 
a host of things about what the car is doing and how you’d assist. Could heaven be better?

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